My mother often lit incense and accompanied this ritual with prayers. Although very religious, she also had a great sense of humor and a bubbly personality. Since her passing approximately six months ago, my father’s condition has significantly worsened, with a rapid decline due to dementia and Parkinson’s. My father is now a shadow of his former self, and the spark that once burned so brightly is now gone.
He is in denial about my mother’s passing, even though he attended her funeral and the wake over several days. He always asks about her, wondering where she is and when she will return home. His doctor recommended that we not remind him of her passing because he will grieve anew each time he forgets and is reminded again. He has developed a new routine of entering her bedroom several times a day, wandering about, looking through some of her things, calling out to her, and speaking with her. To ensure his safety and safeguard my mother’s privacy, we keep the bedroom locked at all times, only opening it when he asks. He usually requests access several times a day, and when I was away, he became distraught because he couldn’t enter the room.
The day before yesterday, my siblings and I decided to remove my mother’s items from the room and keep the door open for my father to access whenever he wanted. Yesterday, as I walked past my mother’s bedroom, I smelled the distinct aroma of the incense she used to light, filling the corridor. I took it as a sign from my mother, indicating she was happy with our decision to leave the door open for my father.
Since we opened the door, he no longer asks to be let in and only wanders in on rare occasions. He seems much calmer and even cracked a joke with me yesterday.
